What does it take to 'write'?

To me, 'writing' is a conversation with you. You are an infinitely patient and positively criticizing listener.

Before publishing any of my sentences to the world, I discuss it with you as long as it takes for it to reach a level of clarity and impact. Writing, many a times, turns out to be a process of crystallization of vague thoughts into a clear structure. And I like it that way. I loose the joy of writing if I wait till the crystallization is complete in thought. And we share the innate joy of watching an idea crystallizing into a sentence.

I like to be with you only when we have a room all for ourselves and I don't have any imminent deadlines to meet. I never take you along when I go out for work or to party. I don't tell you good bye when I leave and never tell you when I'll be back. I never call you when I'm out, or answer your calls. But you don't complain.

In fact you never complain. That's according to me your worst habit and that's the reason I love you most and that's the reason I write so less, and thats the reason I enjoy writing the most.

I know that you are nothing but a ghost of my own creation. But I can never believe so. At least, not when I'm writing.

Fish Pond

I joined as lecturer in NIT Calicut yesterday. Inside the administrative block , on the ground floor, there are two small fish ponds. Some big gold fish were swimming in one of them in company of an angel and a turtle. I was waiting there for some reason and my mindless eyes were on those gold fish for a long time. When my mind joined the eyes, it started a conversation with them.

Fish (to me): Which direction should we be swimming?

My mind (to me): Ahh, It's that same old Alice in Wonderland question

'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,'
'I don't know where. . .'
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,'

My mind (to me): Ohh, let me not be so philosophical. Let me try, if I can help those fishes. Think. Think.

think ...
think ...

My mind (to the fish): It doesn't matter which way you swim. What matters is that you have to swim.

[Post Script]

We are just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

~ Roger Waters, David Gilmore, "Wish You Were Here" c. 1975 Pink Floyd Music Publishers Ltd.

സുഖമോ ദേവി

"സ്വപ്നത്തില്‍ നിന്നും യാഥാര്ത്യ്‌ ത്തിലേക്കുള യാത്രയില്‍ പരമാവതി പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കാന്‍ ശ്രമിക്കുക. ആ പൊട്ടിചിരിയാണു ജീവിതം എന്ന റിയാലിറ്റി. ചെറുപ്പം ചെറുപ്പകാലത്തു തന്നെ കളിച്ചു തീര്ത്ത കലാകാരന്മാരായ എന്റെ രണ്ടു സുഹ്രുത്തുക്കള്‍. കുഞ്ജുവിളയും സൈമണ്‍ മാത്യുവും. ഇവരുടെ ഓര്മയ്ക്കു മുന്നില്‍ ഒരു നല്ല സിനിമ എന്ന എന്റെ ആഗ്രഹം ഞാന്‍ സമര്പ്പിക്കുകയാണു. നിങ്ങള്‍ വളര്ത്തിയെടുത്ത, നിങ്ങളുടെ വേണു നാഗവള്ളി."

ഈ സിനിമ ഞാന്‍ ഇന്നു ഒന്നുകൂടി കണ്ടു.

ഇത്തവണ, ഇതിലെ സണ്ണി എന്ന സൈമണ്‍ മാത്ത്യു എന്റെ അടുത്ത സുഹ്രുത്തായ പ്രിയന്റെ ചിറ്റപ്പനാണു എന്ന തിരിച്ചറിവോടു കൂടി.

വേരുകള്‍ തേടി

deepak@kaayaloram:~$ ls /root/
ls: /root/: Permission denied

Two Cities (Not A Tale of)

There are two Trivandrums that I see. One that I see from the driving seat of my Maruthi Zen and the other that I see from the window seat of a City Bus.

No no, I'm not talking about the Trivandrum of the haves and the Trivandrum of the have nots. Even when I understand that it is an important topic to write on, I don't have statistics to do that. Now, I'm just talking about the looks of the city.

I had left Trivandrum in Island Express[1] in July 2002 and returned driving my Zen in March 2005. I've given the Zen to workshop yesterday for a round of patching and polishing and so he will be away for this whole week.

Ever since I had returned to Trivandrum, I was mostly seeing the city from the driving seat of the Zen. And I too had the waves of surprise, nostalgia, appreciation and back pain. But today, with him in the workshop, I took a City bus from Peroorkada to Statue, and got a window seat on the left row. Since I wasn't going for anything urgent, I was just absorbing the view of the city as a function of space while the bus accelerated and braked its way through the same old city. And again a new wave of surprise, nostalgia, appreciation and back pain rolled over me.

From the driving seat of my car, I see the city as an arrangement of roads, traffic islands, traffic signals, turns and parking spaces. From the bus I see the city as a string of shops and people waiting in the bus stands. (A third way of seeing the city is when I take a walk with some of my friends, and then I hardly see the city.)

Is the first view when I traverse the city with a purpose and the second when I just absorb the journey? Is the first about the results and the second about the details? Is the first about the me of today and the second about the me of yesterday?

No no, I think the first is about me keeping myself busy in thoughts.

Am I depriving me of a sweet joy by keeping myself busy in thoughts? Plans, analysis and purpose. Are they all conspiring to take away a different view of this world from me?

Ahhh. Its analysis again. Stop.

Notes:
1. Thats not that train's official name since ages, but people just don't call it Kanyakumari Bangalore Express. Local historians say that It was originaly named after Wellington Island in Kochi.

Democracy in action?

An SMS conversation.
July 22, 2007, 2 pm at VHSC School, PMG.

1. My SMS to Biren, Divya and Baiju Sir :

Am I seeing democracy in action? I'm in ward sabha of kunnukuzhi ward on behalf of my principal. More than 90% here are women.

2. Reply from Baiju Sir :

Its not for nothing that India is hailed as the biggest democracy.

3. Reply from Biren :

Let us not glorify it seeing it as a surprise. In Kerala at least, we know democracy is in action at ground level. It is only that we never participate in it. So its a time to pity on us.

4. My reply to Baiju Sir, Copy to Biren :

I'm hunting in the terrains of my memory to recollect even one meeting that i have seen in which women outnumbered men.

5. Reply to Biren :

Ya true. I pity you. And you can pity me.

6. Reply from Biren to 4 :

Almost all saksharatha classes were like that.

7. Reply from Biren to 5 :

May be its time u are out of that US. Keep it up. I have to go a long way to be out of that. So let me pity myself.

8. From Biren :

BTW, who is the councilor there? Kunnukuzhi Manoharan?

9. Reply to Biren :

Ya. This is some experience da. And I know, this too won't contribute to any action from my part.

And it didn't. My headache defeated my excitement, and I left the place at 4pm after the meeting, but before the group discussions.

For those not familiar with the process of decision making under janakeeyasootranam :- Ward sabha in corporations and grama sabha in panchayaths are the most basic units of democracy. Its a place where direct democracy is supposed to be exercised. All the residents of that ward can attend the meeting and put forward their requirements from the government for the next year. This would include things like road to their place, electricity, water, employment opportunity etc. These requirements have to be made into informal project proposals. The councilor will take all these projects to the corporation where joint projects would me made out of it.

Naga, I know these kind of gatherings will be a routine for you. Thats why I didn't SMS you.

Finishing Skills

I have this odd (or is it?) habit of starting to read a new book before finishing the one that I have been reading then. Its quite usual for me to be reading two or three books at the same time . Usually I'll end up having one book for the lazy mood, one for the alert mood, and one for the inspired mood.

By the way, I'm a very slow reader and sometimes very disloyal to books. I abandon many midway and those which I finish, I take ages to do it. That is the reason why I keep out of bibliophile gangs. Reading never comes to me naturally. Unless it is such a well written book. Classics like Idiot and Love at the time of cholera were abandoned mid way. Thats the kind of a Brutus that I'm.

But this last month or so, I have almost lost count of the books that I have left open on my table.

1. Hyperspace, A scientific odyssey through parallel universes, time warps and the tenth dimension by Michio Kaku.
   Source : Rajani, my student and hence no due date!
   Genre: Popular Science
   Status: Two parts of the four part book.
   Comment : A very informative and research provoking book.
2. The Magical Maze by Ian Stewart.
   Source : British Council Library - Already renewed thrice. Due date Aug 9, 2007.
   Genre: Popular Math
   Status: Into the fourth chapter. Out of eight chapters.
   Comment : Informative and easy read.
   
3. A Devil's Chaplain - Selected Essays by Richard Dawkins.
   Source : British Council Library - Already renewed thrice. Due date Aug 9, 2007.
   Genre: Essays, Evolution.
   Status: Just a few paragraphs.
   Comment : Not yet.
4. Chaos - Kramamillayimayil Kramam (കയോസ് - ക്രമമില്ലായ്മയിലെ ക്രമം) by K. Babu Joseph
   Source : Randhir Sir, my colleague and hence no due date!
   Genre: Popular Science, Malayalam.
   Status: Two of eight chapters.
   Comment : An introductory stuff.
5. The Discovery of India by Jawaharlal Nehru.
   Source : British Council Library - Already renewed once. Due date Aug 9, 2007.
   Genre: Politics, History, Philosophy.
   Status: Into fourth chapter. Out of 10.
   Comment : I'm determined to finish this one. The inspiring thoughts in the book which inspired me to dream but failed at inspiring me into action have bred another blog. - Orphaned Dreams
6. Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. Just got it two days ago.
   Source : College library, GEC Barton Hill.
   Genre : Philosophy
   Comment : Promising.
   

Classes are beginning. I have lost hope in me now. I don't think I'm going to finish any of the above. How many things do I leave unfinished.

Dear authors, forgive this trespasser.