Monday, March 03, 2008

I got married.

Decisions in life have never been crisp for me. I cannot mark a single date for most of the important decisions in my life. The process of such a long stretched decision making often leaves me with a rich treasure of emotional excursions but with no definite (one blog) answer to the reasons behind the final decision. The case with my marriage was no different.
Vinita and I got married on Feb 16, 2008 at Puthiyakavu Bhagavathi Kshetram, Kollam. The event was effectuated and enlivened by a few close relatives of Vinita and a few close friends of us.


"But is not an event in fact more significant and noteworthy the greater the number of fortuities necessary to bring it about? Everything that occurs out of necessity, everything expected, repeated day in and day out, is mute. Only chance can speak to us" ~ Milan Kundera (Unbearable Lighness of Being)
I was of a marriable age, and the divorce case of Vinita was nearing verdict when we met at Government Engineering College Bartonhill as colleagues. We were sorrowfully happy to realize that we understood each other quite well and quite effortlessly. It took a string of fortuitous happenings and introspective and societal analysis before for we slowly landed onto the decision of spending the rest of the life together. Though impossible to foretell, we had to make sure that Vinita's five year old son Nandu won't reject this idea outright. I had a few chances to meet him and our interaction boosted our confidence and joy.

I discussed the matter out with a few close friends of mine, and each of those interactions proved over and over again that I'm not the mad one out. Then I discussed it with my mother who was expectedly shocked and stated her firm refusal of my proposal. It was during that time that my brother's marriage got fixed and so Vinita and I decided to postpone the next step till that marriage was over.

Looking back, those ten months now seems to have been a blessing in disguise. If not for those ten months, I wouldn't have been so confident to answer in negative any questions about whether I'm acting in an infatuation.

Meanwhile, the news leaked out among the lady faculty of GEC Bartonhill, mostly through a well wisher who pained herself by assuming that she too is responsible for this fate of mine. Wish she had known better about my ways of decision making in life. But here again, it was for the better. With every new person coming to know about our affair, we were getting the feel that our affair is more and more natural.

In between I moved out of GEC Bartonhill to join NIT Calicut. In company of extreme liberals named MuSa and Ramuvettan, who believed in me more than I myself did.

The week after my brother's marriage was over, I found time to announce my state and my decision to my father. Expectedly, he too spared no words in trying to convince me of my madness and in stating his refusal to accept my decision.

I took the conscious decision of keeping my other relatives (including my brother) uninformed for two reasons, both of which are painful to me.
  1. Those who don't support will take pains to convince me against this, which they won't realize to be futile until I go ahead and do it. Then not only do I take them through the pain of my decision but also through the pain of my disobedience to them.
  2. Those who do support, will find it it a very hard time to try and talk to my father. Not only would they be powerless to convince my father, they would also end up being in the betrayer's list of him.
So all that was left to me was to go ahead and finish the legal formalities of marriage and then give my parents a second chance.

What happened then was not a planned flow of events, but a landslide of shocks, probable conspiracies, sternness, unconditional support, will power, conviction, unsuccessful attempts, soothing concern, crisis management, unexpected helps and finally the ritual marriage at Puthiyakavu Bhagavathi Kshetram. The time was 5.30 in the evening and none of the people involved would have rested their mind or body for a second that day till that time.




If life had agreed to tread the plans chartered by mortals, then on Feb 16th, we would have signed our marriage under Special Marriage Act in front of the Sub-registrar at Kollam.
But, it seems that life wanted to speak to us again in the language of chance.

55 comments:

Jay said...

Congrats deepak.
U rock.

Aditi Das Patnaik said...

I "chanced" as you would say, into Jishnu's cube (next to mine) and discovered your blog.

You write beautifully and moreover profoundly.

Congratulations on your marriage and I wish you and Vinita the very best life has to offer.

Jishnu A said...

too ingenious a way to announce marriage.. Again all the best..

kuri said...

congrats dear...with admirations..

saji said...

It's really shocking !!
Anyway Congrats & good wishes .
SAJI

Anand said...

dai... congrats... I am so happy for u....

Abhilash Suryan said...

And I came to know of it today morning from Saji Sir!

I must admit that I was stunned to hear it......

Any way it's your life and you both are highly intelligent,thoughtful and responsible people..with minds operating at a higher level than me.....must know better....

All the very best in everything that you do in your life together.....

From
Elder Brother

Honee said...

CONGRATS SIR

Anoop C Jacob said...

To Deepak sir and Vineeta madam..

All the best !! :)

Rakesh B.S said...

All the best sir.. :)

payyans said...

:)

impressively transparent writing!.
sensitive to thoughts and feelings!...

Best wishes to both of you!

Alex said...

All the best Deepak. Go ahead with courage and patience. Let God's blessings be showered on both of u.

mukesh said...

congrats sir.. :)

Deepa P. Gopinath said...

It is simply great, Deepak and Vineeta. The courage to take a decision which we think right, even when it make our near and dear ones cry is admirable. When we are true to ourselves, when we take the decision right to our conscience, when we have clarity about that and when we have unshaken love for our near ones, time will solve all the problems. As a friend I realise I love and admire u both more than ever.
As a social activist and a feminist, I find that your action will create significant progressive ripples, having multidimensional impact in our society. I realise the gravity of the social impact it have and I am really happy. People like you make our society a better place to live in.
Congrats, admiration and lots of love

Sandeep SS said...

U always come up with surprises..:)
Congrats Sir & All the best..:).

Indran said...

Congrats, Deepak and Vinitha. I was waiting for the announcement.
May He shower all the best on you for the rest of your life together.
Raveendranathan

vinod said...

aliyo

heartiest congrats and wishes to the newly married

pv

ainju said...

Wish you both a happy married life...

krishna said...

Deepak,

I am a friend of Vinita. Came to know about your marriage from Ananad Menon again a friend of mine. Congratulations to you and Vinita. Ask Vinita to email/scrap me when she gets a chance.

Krishna

Anonymous said...

Congrats Deepak.
Have a wonderful life ahead.

Sreedevi
( A batch mate from CET )

It's me Aneesh said...

Wishing you a happy married life with my good teacher

Abhijith said...

I was initially stunned to hear the piece of news ..
Wish you, vinita ma'am and nandu a very very happy life together ...

Keep rocking Sir !!!
Best wishes once again !!

Pramod said...

Hi Deepak,
Congrats. Wishing you both a Happy life ahead.
Pramod(IISc friend)

Sreehari H said...

Great News Sir,
!!!!!Celebrate Life!!!!

Sibi said...

Wishing you and Vinitha Maam a very best of luck for your future... May God bless you both... from Sibi

Miss Small Wonder said...

COngrats and wishing you and madam a happy life ahead. I never knew that u were a person with such a great soul...and soul-mate.again congrats sir!

Parasuram....Let Truth Be Your Guide said...

Sir U never cease to amaze first of all let me offer my hearty congratulations on this joyous occasion and wish you and the Mrs all the best in your upcoming married life.
You are truly a role model for our generation.

Bhavu said...

Wonderful sir!!!
All d best !!! :-)

b v n said...

Deepak,
You never stop being in those top ranks! never stop surprising! Wish Vinita and You well in those long years ahead (of course in some surprising new path you chart)!

pakshe, oru kaapi kudi nattu nadappanu :)

Chandra said...

Congratulations and best wishes for a happy married life.

Aswathy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aswathy said...

..CONGRATULATIONS..!!!...sir n ma'm ...
wish u both a happy married life...
keep rockin...
aswathy ganapath

nasia said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOW!!
its awesome to knw two of my teachers.. are married to each other..
:)
and why werent we invited :( ..

Hari said...

Sir,
You & Ma'am have never taught me. Still I've been a great fan of you and your blog for quite sometime. The news of your marriage brings in great joy and hope for a dejected lover like me...

Wish you all the VERY BEST in life! May God bless you!

Gasmittai said...

Sir nd Ma'am
its a strong decision..but definitely a good one!...Congratulations to both of u...All d best!
Madhuri

bombay dosti said...

First Congratulations and wishing you, Vinita and Nandu a wonderful life ahead :)

A friend send me the link to this post saying that "there are some things which, can make you happy, this is one of them"
And yes, some unknown sense happiness was there, when I read this. Peace, health and happiness to you.

Was in CET... !

~==[[[ Abhi ]]]==~ said...

Sir,

As with all things associated with you you've stood your ground and made the decision that you thought is right. But then this was a great way to announce one's marriage. Might take a leaf out of this blog some day [:D]


Wish you and your family the VERY BEST in life! May God bless you three{and more :-)}!

With regards,

Abhijith

Anonymous said...

Congrats Sir and Mam.... :-)...As i Believe ,the best definition for marriage is:
'The success of marriage is not in finding the right person, but in being the right person.. All the best sir..

Shinoj Chandran (GEC BaertonHill 2001-2205 EC batch)

Manas said...

Spellbound by the intricacies of nature and the surprises it throws, this wedding of yours comes as a welcome inspiration to those whose spirits in love were marooned by the dead world around.

Be commensurate to all the challenges which life throws and come out victors.

All the best Sir.

Manas Nair
2006 EC Batch

Anonymous said...

Hats off to your courage rather I wud say luv for her...Let both of u b d same throughout this journey..when u slip dont held ur hand up..There will b few to giv u a hand..Let der b no despair..My best wishes

vinay said...

Hi Deepak Sir,

Wish you and Vinita ma'm a wonderful life filled with happiness all the way together...

Best wishes...
Vinay

Hari said...

Sir....
Wishing you and Vinita Mam a very happppy married life... Keep rocking wherever you are.. AND MY LOVE TO NANDU...

Ajay said...

Congrats and All the best for a wonderful life..........
Ajay S Pal (Mech 2001-200)

Anonymous said...

Wish you a happy married life


SOORAJ

Anonymous said...

Hey BRO.........its me Abi........
I wish u a HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.....
My exams will end on Feb 28th.....
i'll call u after dat......!!!!!!!

Unni said...

Hearty Congrats dear sIr...
I dunno if u remember me.. our contact has been minimal in our college (GEC) and it is through the lan connections in IT lab I came a little what familiar with you... You seemed {in simple words}...a fun guy... and Dear vineetha teacher has been teaching me since year one...
Knowing that you two have found each other and are happy ...
I cant help but cherish the smile this news brings to me...
Alwez be as cool as you have ever been.. and Your way of defining life instead of the other way... Is praiseworthy and .. just .. WoW..
All the very best... alwez...
onCe again congrats
Respect and love for both my teachers
Unni S6 Mec GEC (2005-09)

Anonymous said...

Dear Deepak,
Your decision is wholly your decision. Now you have to prove that the decision is not out of infatuation. if you could , you will be accepted in society, else you will become just another ??? character.

Hope, you will show that you are a man..

Best wishes.

A relative

Mr. Commonsensical said...

Heard about it.
Wasn't surprised.
Way to go!

And ofcourse, congratulations!

chandru said...

Congrats Deepak! You never fail to inspire me.

-Proffie.

Kurien Thomas said...

Congrats Sir,
Have a blessed married life

./lijo said...

Yeah..as they say, life is full of surprises, and i'm finding them one by one...Have a nice life !!

jithin said...

Congrats sir...
I appreciate ur bold n tough decision..
Wishing both of u a very happy
married life...
regards,
Jithin

Hari Vishnu said...

great writing sir.. soo frank.. i thought i was frank writing my first one..

i hope ur decision turns out to be correct.. i dont know how id be able to stand up to my parents like that..

Randeep Ummanath said...

Hi Sir

News to me.... still... HAPPY for both of you....

CONGRATULATIONS !!! and a GREAT LIFE AHEAD !!!
WARM WISHES AND REGARDS TO VINITHA MA'AM TOO...

Lots of luv,
Randeep

Anonymous said...

Comrade...
we respect you and salute you comrade..
from the days in CET onwards..
we had the faith in your words and decesions.. and its still there..
we know "if Deepak did so, that was what to be happened and there is genuine reason behind it".and Its not the byproduct of childish infactuations but the product of a strong mind..
Sibilkumar